Now I am just a few blocks away from Ashbury, in my castle on Page & Clayton. Words cannot describe my gratitude for the abode I reside in now....It is my rainbow sanctuary, anyone that has been here knows it...
It is not that I have not wanted to write, it is there has been so much going on I can’t even take a moment to focus on what is happening now and it is evolving so fast I can’t keep up...or at least that is my excuse...cause let’s be honest...I can do anything if I really wanted to...
But writing is what helps me find clarity. I have missed pouring my feelings out and figuring out my thoughts, also in the past few months numerous people have told me to write again...it seems to be the world telling me to keep going.
I have taken the last few days to read some of my old blogs...how far I have come...it still baffles me...and man, I really used to party! After reviewing my diaries, I acknowledge that I can’t get that deep anymore, it makes me to vulnerable...it just opens up too much and gets me in way too much trouble...(and I probably shouldn’t talk about my vagina like that on the record...but come on now...we all know it is pretty magical!)
I am not the princess that once lived in the tenderloin, I am not the woman that moved into 720 Ashbury and then moved on to Page... It seems the seven hundred block of Ashbury is where people evolve into what they are suppose to be, just as the Warlocks did a few houses down over fifty years ago.
When I moved on to that sacred street over 3 years ago...I was married to my second husband, I was kinda part-owner of my shop on the corner, and the truth was, I was miserable...and it was no one’s fault but my own for my own choices in life….but I also acknowledge that the choices I made in life got me to where I am today, so they were lessons and moments in my journey that needed to happen, and I am blessed & grateful that they did.
There were some moments in space that brought me back to almost ten years ago when I was leaving my first husband...the crushing pain, the deep pitted loneliness, the sense of failure, the bent over wailing...how did I get myself back here…
Then a few Julys ago, something occurred...you can just say I got yelled back into reality...I don’t like to get in arguments in public, it bothers me...I feel that it puts this negative energy out there that is not fair to people who are not part of the conversation to have to absorb. And maybe because I was on a psychedelic journey that night I was able to really see the ripple that anger can have on other people...and I knew...I had to walk the walk and walk away….because Sunshine Powers can not be Sunshine Powers when she is always crying...that is not where my good comes from...that does not channel my light…that does not move me forward, it holds me back...and I have been there...and I ain’t fucking never going back.
It took me being willing to walk away from everything I hold dear to gain what I never thought possible of obtaining.
If you had told me through my streaming tears that night in July that I would be where I am today, I would still be in a state of shock...I was so focused on the pain I was unable to see the good in letting go and breaking free.
And after that moment, there was and is, a lot more torment and affliction that has raged on...I have tried to hold true to myself...I strive my hardest to lead by example and be the person I wish others to be. I make sure that through my heartbreak I still do good things and do not just talk the talk.
It was hard, one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I have gone in so many directions since just to try to break free, to be able to breathe, to find a way to be me again and shed my cocoon I had been bound in for so long.
I finally feel a balance is returning….yet I know with certainty, I know not what the future brings….
I do know...
Hard work and being good pays off...even if there are hiccups along the way.
Leading by example, living a life full of love, inspiring love...it encourages people to do good things….we should all do this...it will make the world a better place.
While I have a hard time understanding why I have been so blessed, I have never doubted why it happened...I just know…I have to do a lot of good with this gift I have been given...that is my responsibility as the inheritor of this legacy.
To be utterly truthful...sometimes the weight of is too heavy...sometimes I can’t leave my house…sometimes I just curl up in a ball and cry these deep painfully sounding tears that rattle my inner solitude and create these cavernous hallow sounding wails...then a feel a whole lot better cause sometimes you have just to get that shit out...take a massive deep breathe...and march forward...cause standing in one spot is just too boring to me, and going back is not an option...I want to be better than the past...I want to create a future.
Because my present is pretty fucking magical...and it gets better day by day….
Just because it is magical...does not make it perfect….by any means...but there is always darkness before the dawn...and the dawn, is when the Sunshine Shines…
and I cherish every one of those moments…
Sunny Goal/Thought/Tip of the Week:
(There is no way I can do a dance move of the week! The shop does a dance move of the day on instagram and we have been for over a year now...it is hard enough to keep up with those dance moves, don’t give me another...so I am trying something new...it is afterall a whole new blog!)
The Reminder: I get totally lost in my head sometimes...it is intense and pretty vast in there! To keep me grounded this week I have placed a few pennies around my house and apartment building with the heads up. When I am getting all in the craziness of my mind, I see one of the pennies in the corner of my eye and it reminds me to breathe...to have faith...to let things unfold. It has really helped me throughout the week...and as the 7 days have passed I not only calm down instantly when I notice one of my pennies now, I also acknowledge that sometimes when a door does not open in life, it is because you are not supposed to go through it...and instead of trying so hard to open it...you just need to walk away….cause there are so many doors, you might as well find one that only opens for you with open arms...and doesn’t make you look at pennies for a freaking week!