Blog 3: Trauma ~ Part 1 ~ 10/16/21

Trauma: Part 1


Let’s be honest, Trauma is going to need a lot of parts.


I have been trying to learn more and more about Trauma these past few years...One can only imagine the damage that we have all suffered during this pandemic...what it has done to our psyche, what triggers it will produce, how it will shape generations to come…


All this new Trauma, and I haven’t even dealt with all my pre-pandemic issues...yokes!



The fire I was too young to remember...


The old man at the corner store who put his hands down a young girl's pants…


The high school bathroom where the “incident” happened...the aftermath...feeling so dirty...no one believing me...and me giving up…


The first boyfriend that didn’t leave me alone and broke into my house when I broke up with him...cops came to take him away, I awoke to flowers from him on my doorstep…


The way my first husband would yell at me, the times he hit me.


The Robbery.


The Divorce, the ugliness, the copious amount of drugs I did to cope.


The time I saw the little old lady get plowed over by a UCSF Bus about 5 feet away from me before coffee…


The Tenderloin.


When my boss called me a slut to put me down ~ but had slept with me.     


My second husband choosing booze over me.


What happened when I purchased Love on Haight...my second divorce.


The Pandemic.  The hard crash of reality.  The possibility of losing it all.  The protests, the election, the never ending crawl on your knees, unstoppable work that had to be done to survive…


The exhaustion.



Sometimes I go days untethered, free from the anguish...thoughts in a distant


But...then…


A Trigger…


And I spiral...sometimes for days, maybe even a week, shook to my core...unable to function...and one memory ignites another...and I can’t breathe.


So I try to learn to cope.  


To understand.  


To process.


Therapy helps.


Writing helps.


Trying to process what ignites fear within me and avoiding those thoughts…


Walking away from certain people.


Just trying to be better.


I truly believe that the more I can come to terms with my trauma, the better I will be.


The more I let it cleanse me, the more enlightened I may come.  


If Lessons are learned...is there Trauma?  Or Refinement?


What if Trauma was just what we made out of a situation, and one had a choice…


Then what…


What would we choose?


What would I choose?


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


I usually say, “No matter what the Question, LOVE is the Answer”


So Trauma, I want no more of you.


I am making the decision to be better, to be untethered, and to grow…


And improve...Evolve.


To Move Forward...probably while dancing…and looking cute!






Sunny Thought of the Week

There is nothing wrong with Therapy.  It gives you a “roadmap” and after what we as a society have been through the last couple of years...it may help us all.